Will #MuteRKelly Cause You To Stand Up and Speak Out? Part 2

What makes a man a monster or an angel?

Many times when we are talking about abuse, we hear people say things like but he is such a good person, he has a good heart, he did a,b,c for the community so he can’t possibly have done what they are accusing him off but we forget that everyone human is equally possible of both good and bad acts!

If you missed part 1 you can find it here.

Let’s begin to unpack the monster within!

Part 2 begins with us getting to know the real RKelly. The man the woman know as Robert and we learn that at first he was kind and charming, would often open up about his inability to read or write and we also get introduced to his ex-wife Andrea.

Now often times in the media and in the public we hear this: ‘she should have known better’ or ‘why did she get involved with him in the first place?’

Well guys, the devil is a master munipulator and this is no secret.

If you were to meet someone and the first thing they did was call you a bit**h or a slut then of course you would have the common sense to stay away.

If you met me and at first sight I would pin you down and beat you, of course you would have the common sense to stay away and even report me on sight.

I haven’t gotten into your head and I definitely haven’t gotten into your heart.

We often ask why women can love a monster because women are nurtures nature, we want to love and protect and what’s synonymous with these women’s stories is he would open up about the abuse and loss he felt, he would be a broken bird that needs help and I know when you meet a person in need of help (if you consider yourself kind that is) you wouldn’t just cast a blind eye.

Both The Proffesor of Criminalogy and Clinical Psychologist in the series, say that, ‘Abusers often use their own vulnerability to build trust and make the victim feel comfortable,’ it’s like how we attract fish using a worm or lure a rat using cheese, a monster is never just a monster.

Around the world we often hear abuse and rape stories happening in the church with some church elder hiding behind the pulpit which is the case in RKelly case were his been able to hide behind a few gospel songs for two whole decades I’ve even heard some people say that trying to put RKelly down would be, falling for the work of the Illuminati’ did we all forget about all the nude music videos and lude behavior prior or is this what having a selective memory is like?

According to an article published Nehanda Radio: ‘Although police could not immediately verify the figures, ZimStat data shows that 1 067 murder cases and 7 394 rape cases were reported in 2017.

A total of 7 551 rape cases were recorded in 2014 and the number went up to 7 752 in 2015 before surging to 8 069 in 2016.’

The data shows an 81 percent increase in rape cases between 2010 and 2016.

Just to put this in perspective 1 girl is raped every single hour of the day in our country and this totals to 22 girls being raped every single day.

Taking this a step further Gender activists and women’s organisations are on record stating that more than 60 percent of rape cases recorded in the country yearly involve children below the age of 16 and the majority of this abuse is done relatives and this is 8 out 10 cases and only 12% of these are ever reported to the police.

What’s alarming here is you know these abusers! These are your neighbors, your brothers, fathers, uncles, teachers in schools, sons and just so we keep this balanced these are your sisters too.

When we look for what a rapist can and can’t be we often try find the cold, quiet guy whose only crime might just be that he is extremely anti-social that we ignore that the monsters we seek are often the warm friendly Neighbour you would swear behind and say no, she has to be lying even after a long pattern spanning 25 years has been released we often would rather stay blind.

One of the women in the documentary talks about how he acted when the switch finally flipped and how he would drag her around and force her to perform sexual acts and what is evident in each women’s story is the need to own and control the woman and the need to never have her speak back to him and never have her argue or question what he said.

Control

Many people who have been abused, experienced abused or have seen abuse happening often times have issues with control. They feel insecure about the lack of control their own lives and therefore seek to control the lives of their victims.

RKelly is described to have controlled everything in these women’s lives from the way they spoke, how they dressed, who they talked to, what they ate, when they ate and even when and if they could use the bathroom and below is a short excerpt from the book written one of the survivors:

Now in our culture, we are almost single-handedly raised to submit to men and to submit in our relationships but is the submission we are instilling in our kids more harmful than it is enriching?

I have heard remarks that go from small things like, ‘He didn’t like the way I dressed,’ to ‘ I have to ask for his permission before I do a,b,c.’ Much worse is,’Do not be too outspoken or he will be intimidated you.’ and even, ‘you can never be richer or more educated than your husband because he must be the provider!’

As a society we look towards our women and ask well, ‘what did you do to cause him hit you?’, ‘If he angered you, you must have angered him somehow.’ and I’ve heard this being used to justify women who were beat because they did not kneel for a man whilst serving him food.

In the depths of all this, the woman is always urged to stay and never allowed to leave and so as young girls we constantly learn that men are obeyed without question. That the husband comes first but ladies I’m here to tell you that the need to control is the mark of an insecure man!

If he loves you, he will not be threatened your strength but instead, he will be uplifted it.

If he loves you he will be your support.

If he loves you he will urge you to shine your light and never expect you to be diminished.

and most of all, if he loves you he will never raise his hand against you!

It is not your job to fix what is broken within him that makes him not feel like a real man, that is between him and the Lord!

The true mark of man is not in how weak his woman is but how strong she can be.

This story shows us that most of the monsters in our society are hiding in plain sight and a lot of the time we give them the power to get away with it because we choose to keep the blinders on and only see the half of the picture that fits into our narrative of what is right and wrong.

Do we continue to live blinded our perception of what makes a man good?

Full link to part two of the Docu Series:  https://www.facebook.com/jmagic.nano/videos/1851014605026433/

By Amanda Marufu