When being blind becomes a part of your reality: Living With Keratoconus

See someone asked me where I’m going and all I had to say was I was heading into the ass.

For the past few years my friends and I always shared blind jokes and how bad my sight was, was always something we could laugh about. But for the past few months I’ve watched the world around me slip further and further away, slowly turning into a blur.

Being behind the camera is a solace, except I’ve watched the lens start to lose focus. I’ve lost writing to the unbearable glim of my laptop and even being outside is starting to feel like I’m cutting through to my own soul.


‘Keratoconus is a bilateral (both eyes) degenerative condition of the cornea, a transparent dome-shaped tissue that forms the front part of the eye. Keratoconus gradually causes the cornea to thin, bulge/protrude outward, and become cone-shaped. This creates an abnormal curvature of the eye called astigmatism. Symptoms may include blurred vision and seeing multiple images, glare, halos or light sensitivity (photophobia).

People with keratoconus typically begin to exhibit symptoms in their teens, and the disease gradually progresses over time. In the later stages, scarring can develop in the area of the corneal bulge or protrusion, which can further impede vision.

Occasionally, people with keratoconus can develop hydrops, which is a sudden break in the internal surface of the cornea that allows fluid to enter the cornea and cause it to swell. This can cause pain and a sudden decrease in vision.’

When I was young I couldn’t bare to watch tv under the light which meant spending a lot of time in my room sitting in the darkness alone. My family often called it being anti-social but they couldn’t sit without the light on so anti-social is what I had.

To normal people it’s just a light, to me it’s like your pushing a flood gate of pain straight to my brain and then comes the headaches. Since I was 16 I was always greeted intense summer migraines that have gotten more and more intense with time. 

See I tried to explain it, the pain it caused but that’s the thing about perception for those blessed to see is you can only ever see from a position of privilege. 

Also in an African family as a kid you almost never know what you’re talking about even when it comes to your own body. Which is something that I still find sad to say is still true as a young woman but that’s another story all together

(Ps: Parents don’t ignore your children’s pain, sometimes they know what they’re talking about. Their Body should be Their Choice)

For years I was greeted with the, ‘why don’t you just wear glasses’ conundrum. See the thing is I tried but glasses only cause me more headaches and dizziness. Which is something I could explain the time I was 15 because the reality is glasses and regular contact lenses don’t help with the corneal irregularities caused keratoconus. But it didn’t stop people from telling me that glasses would make it all better. Hell im 23 now and I still get the exact same remark almost every other day but seriously people IT DOESNT HELP. 

In order for me to actually be able to see, I need to do a procedure called cross linking which will ensure that the disease does not keep progressing ie) the world doesn’t keep getting blurry until well I can’t see anything. Then get scleral lenses —‘large-diameter, rigid gas-permeable contact lenses that are filled with sterile saline solution. While regular contact lenses touch the cornea, these special lenses rest on the sclera, the white part of the eye beyond the cornea. The saline solution fills in and corrects for corneal irregularities, creating a smoother optical surface and better vision.’

If this doesn’t work or if the disease has progressed too much then they will need to do a corneal transplant. A cornea transplant (keratoplasty) is a surgical procedure to replace part of your cornea with corneal tissue from a donor. Your cornea is the transparent, dome-shaped surface of your eye that accounts for a large part of your eye’s focusing power.

Living with Keratoconus has meant days where I can’t work because the light in my office is too bright and my head is too painful. It’s meant not being to read for long under any sort of light and therefore not being able to concentrate.

For the Past few months it’s meant not being able to stand behind the camera because everything is turning into one big blur. It’s meant walking home feeling dizzy and light headed because the sun has been in my face for one second too long. 

It’s meant watching my vision degrade every few months. Watching things that were once clear turn into more and more of a blur. Not being able to read my favorite books. Sometimes missing out on the conversation because someone started the sentence with ‘oh look.’

It’s meant having tons of awkward do you remember me conversations and why didn’t you greet me conversations when honestly, 1) I didn’t see you like literally I didn’t see you. 2) I didn’t recognize your face because again I’m not mean or vain or rude, I can’t see!

It’s meant not hanging out with friends much because I don’t want to be outside for too long and sometimes the lights are just too bright for me to stay and lying down in the dark is the only thing that feels good.

It’s been making jokes and pretending to be okay because even though I’m scared, I still have to work and try to have a normal life.

See I’m typing most of this with my right eye closed cause that’s the only way I can bare to see better even a little. I’m typing all this faced with the reality of continuing to lose my vision until there’s nothing left but the blur. 


Because see people are different and even with eye conditions, there’s not only short and long sighted there’s a whole host of conditions.

Because I’m blind isn’t just a mere joke anymore, it’s starting to feel like a looming reality. 

So get your eyes tested and screened. Find out how to take good care of your vision. Test your kids the time they are 10 so if anything is wrong it can be caught early.

For now I’ll catch you on the other end of the ass

Ps: if anyone asks about my sight direct them here.

We Are The World #WIASummit

In ancient Africa, whilst the man was the head of the family, the woman was the center of the family. The mother brought the family together and was often the intermediary between the children and the father. Mothers, sisters and aunts would bring the whole family together often during large feasts.

In Ancient Egypt Women could own property and were legally at court, equal to men. Many women worked and in some cases even ended up in high society some even becoming Pharaoh.

In the modern era as nations were colonized women lost their rights. When once they were respected and honored above everyone, Queens in their own right, the family unit was threatened and many lost the basic humanities that were once awarded to them.

When I first read this question; ‘ How do African Women Engage The World and Create A New Paradigm’ I thought of all the How’s.

Until I realized that it is no longer a question of asking how but a time  of action and simply shifting the conversation.

We live at a time where people for decades have stood up and blamed society, blamed ‘them.’ When it is us who are in-fact a part of society.

In the same way that it is us in fact the people who make up the world. Around the world women in different corners are creating movements and shifting the playing field.

Like Facebook chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg who founded Lean In; a non profit organisation aimed at offering women the ongoing inspiration and support to help them achieve their goals.and has enabled women around the world to join together and ‘lean in.’

Now in Africa and right here in Harare Zimbabwe, Brenda Thoko Mangunda has carried this torch forward starting her own lean in circle and connecting women from around the city and building even smaller circles.

Women like Brenda, Sheryl and Sandra Kawodza who is the founder and manager of Eclipse Executive Selection and her own group of ladies called ‘Elite Business Women,’ have managed to not only engage the women around them in their own circles but have bridged gaps created distance leveraging the internet and utilizing platforms such as WhatsApp to build their communities.

These women and many others have gone out in a bid to amplify the voice of the African woman.

Pauline Nyasha Matambanadzo, Founder & CEO of PDP Consultancy P/L, also provides a series of Recovery, Re-imagine,  and Reboot resources under the Flagship #Re-Calibr8
Re-Calibr8 is specifically geared to empower women and young people facilitating and creating platforms for restoration from traumatic events.

Carol Marufu is the cofounder of Visual Sensations which is a production company that aims to spread positivity and spread awareness through the use of media channels such as films, tv/talk shows and online media hubs such as blogs and vlogs.

Being an African woman I am proud to be living at a time when we have so many women who are living breathing example’s of what the African Woman can do.

“The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story. Show a people as one thing, only one thing, over and over again, and that is what they become.”
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

In this technological hub and digital space even with the use of the same platforms, the African voice has been commentary instead of the lead of the conversation. In the past few years as women’s rights have rose to the surface and women’s voices have been amplified the African woman’s voice has still bounds to go to reach the surface.

Whilst the world has been faced with social issues and spreading social awareness, a large portion of the African women are faced with seeking value addition.

Many women are still working from dusk till dawn in small towns in a bid to feed their families even in the face of a failing economy.


Whilst others lucky enough are graduating from Universities around the world.


Others even luckier are working but battling crippling pay gaps, sexual harassment or depression in communities that aren’t cognisant of mental health issues.


For the African Women to truly engage the world we must first acknowledge that all African Woman are different, living in different conditions and facing different problems and that even as a collective we are constantly on different journeys in need of different things and it is up to us to acknowledge that.

We must begin to speak our own stories not only to the world at large but to each other beyond our networks and the small circles in which we are a part of.

“The most common way people give up their power is thinking they don’t have any.”
– Alice Walker

For women at large our story has been painted as that of being victims or in the rare case that we are painted as strong, it is with a brush that depicts strength as being tolerant, staying or being silent.

Why I started this piece with examples of women is because I have always believed in mentorship and that as young girls we can learn more from those who came before us so we can also pass it forward and thus they are my example of How.

Like mothers of olden days who would cook large feasts and invite all their relatives over, Sandra and Brenda have been able to become Mothers of Tribes that stretch beyond only women communities.

Sandra conducts monthly workshops where she invites people(men and women) to engage and discuss topics that encompass different trades and industries.

She also uses WhatsApp to create communities for different people from entrepreneurs to lifestyle and events, digital marketing and so much more. She has taken a social media tool and utilized it to become a connecting thread for hundreds of people across borders in many sectors and as Young people we can do the same too.

Carol Marufu through Visual Sensation has started a Women’s talk show called NoFilter which aims to bridge the gap between generations encoperating 5 women of different age groups from Gen Z to X and partnering with 263AfricaTV they aim to cross borders through the Roku platform and not only reach African Women in Africa but African Women across the world.

They also aim to utilize blogs and vlogs tailor making shows for social media distributed through Facebook and YouTube such as This is my story which shares stories of women across Zimbabwe.

They not only aim to support the voices of women generating conversations but sharing stories they want to partner with organisations and NGOs that women may not know of but may need access to.

We are the world and as an African woman in 2019 I say let us continue to lean in and engage with each other because only in communication can we grow.

Live The Life You Dream Of!

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” -Laurell K. Hamilton

‘Live the life you dream of’

This has been my motto for the longest time and maybe for most people today is the day they are figuring out what their dream life looks like but I’m happy to say I’m still living it.

So even though I haven’t been a part of this challenge this is a question I just felt I had to answer #Day2 on #Day17 (better late than never right?)

What living my dream life looks like for me has always been being able to live my truth and completely unapologetically be myself.

Which sounds easy enough but growing up in a world where I seldom had control, over my voice, had no control over my life and no control over my own body, or my environment. Being able to write, to be a part of this challenge this is what my dream life looks like. 

If you’ve never had your control taken from you, this might sound like the craziest thing ever but step 1 of taking back my control was choosing to write.

When everyone else my age was in University I was trying to figure out the real world for the first time. For the first time trying to learn how to breathe when I chose to sell my laptop and my sisters and took a bus to South Africa with no plan and no money. 

See often when I talk to people they talk about SA being this unsafe place where there’s crime and violence in each corner but as life would have it; I found my self safer in this strange place amongst strangers than I had ever been at home, amongst the people that were family.

In this strange place I found freedom, I stayed at people’s houses who owed me nothing but they provided me everything, At home I had been caged, put in a psych ward (that’s a story for another day) and even more than that had felt what it was like to be violated deep within your soul.

Although I won’t yet share my story of what it feels like. I will talk about the effects of being a young black woman being silenced because if everyone goes through it then your pain can not possibly be real, your pain isn’t yours to feel.

You are given the usual questions, what were you wearing? Did you want it? Because even though it happened to you in your own home, a place that’s meant to be a sanctuary you must have still played a part somehow. 

In a previous blog post I talked a little about why we blame the victim, why it’s easier to imagine that she must have played a part than to accept that her control over the one thing everyone deserves to have power over, her own body was taken away from her. 

This is one part of the equation that we take for granted, because what if you couldn’t trust your own body to keep you safe anymore? What if you didn’t have control anymore, if you moved to go forward but a force much stronger than your own pulled you backwards, what if you were fighting to do something as simple as to brush your own teeth but you couldn’t move, what if you had no control.

Live the life you dream of…

My dream was to be free, free to be, free to breathe because when you have no control every single breathe that you take can feel so foreign. 

My truth is your truth…

A realisation of a truth that cuts deep A realisation of a truth that cuts deep, leaving me with waves of please forgive me
and I am sorry.
A realisation of a truth that puts me out of my comfort illusion of its okay , leaving me with waves of I hope you see I know the truth .
my truths is really not my own but your truth too
I have wished , hoped to twist and change the notion. but my feet have not carried me far enough for me not to see the truth in the blurred vision behind me.
my truth is your truth
my journey is not my own but your teacher
my pain is not for me but for your strength
my fear is not mine to conquer but yours to bridge through
my joy is not my own but a rainbow of hope for you
A realisation that my life is not my own but is yours
my life
a teacher
a comforter
an inspiration
the truth that cuts deep is that we all have this truth our life is not our own but belongs to everyone to be touched , changed ,loved and saved you.
hence live , breathe, smile and be free, be you and you will leave a story that will impact a generation needing to find truth in your story in them.


Starlight Dancing

Speaking of events, today on my featured list I want to highlight an event hosted the Ballet School of Zimbabwe. Happening at the Ballet Centre, 109, East Road, Avondale every night at 6.30pm from Wednesday 24 to Sunday 30 September, 2018. This show features different dance schools on open air stage in the grounds of the center with tap modern, ballet, contemporary, hip hop and lyrical styles on display.

“Starlight Dancing”, which is the Dance Trust of Zimbabwe’s annual outdoor production was established over 35 years ago in a bid to provide senior dancers from all dancing studios an opportunity to perform (13+). It started as “Ballet in the Park” and was staged on the concrete stage in the Harare Gardens, later moved to the Ballet Centre and “Starlight Dancing” was born.

Approximately 100 dancers have been rehearsing different types of dance in order to provide an entertaining and varied programme.

Preparations are in full swing with the Masimba Group having erected the stage free of charge. The Dance Trust of Zimbabwe is very grateful to them – they have provided the stage every year since “Starlight Dancing” began. This weekend rehearsals on stage will take place and the finishing touches done. Over the years this production has been enjoyed both the dancers and the public so we hope that the 2018 production will receive the same amount of support.


Words from my 12 year old self.


1 Word, 4 Letters, 2 Syllables, 1 Meaning

It’s not always romantic
It doesn’t ultimately make the world go round
It doesn’t necessarily last forever
But it still controls every aspect of our lives.
Even as a child we strive for attention
Yearn for someone to somehow tell you how much you mean to them
We grow up hoping someday someone is going to see past our mistakes
Past our lies and past the pain

We keeping running and running hoping to one day stumble upon our own version of a fairy-tale
But is love truly a fairy-tale or is it the simple need of being wanted
The feeling of wanting to belong
We’ve made seem impossible to ever attain
When love is all around us
Our family, our friends
That one teacher who made a difference in our lives
That stranger who was there when you cried
Who made it all seem better for just one second

And then there’s that fairy-tale kind of love
You know the one that makes your heart stop beating
Where your entire world becomes interlinked with that one person, and life itself seems to be centered around them.
But this kind of love is not completely a fairy-tale, it’s short of being perfect, and is devoid of a future only focused on today.
They say love is blind, but love is all-seeing, just n0t completely believing
It forces you to open up without any hope of letting go

We chase it for so long, we forget about what to do when we finally find it
We soon find out that even when it seems to be within our grasp, it still seems far away
That even when you’ve completely given your heart, it’s not a guarantee of forever
That every step we rake does not necessarily get any easier
And every moment in itself isn’t perfect.
Love takes each moment and turns It into eternity
It takes each tear and turns it into a smile

But it also presents life in a way that you have never viewed it
Leaves you wanting to run even when you think you’ve finally caught it
Love is that emotion that can completely consume you and yet leave you still wanting
Gives you understanding yet your left feeling confused
Love is what I feel for the world, for people, for friends, for family
Love is that one feeling that keeps me holding on even when I feel like I can’t take just one more breath

Love is what we are chasing
Love is what we’ve found
Love is what we don’t understand
But we can’t run away from
Love to me is simply you.

My Top 3 Creative Picks

My Top 3 Creative Picks

So if you’re like me you might be over all the hip-hop videos that only feature some house party, drinking and more often than not a couple of girls twerking. So here is my list of favorite videos from 2017 that not only disregarded the status quo but had some creativity thrown into the script.

1. Feel Right, Mik ft Yung Zee

As not only my favorite jam of 2017, being that one song you have to play more than once and a couple hundred times after that. Feel Right is that feel good, hip hop/ rnb song that might just have you calling your ex. The song off the A Book About Girls Mik Manjengwa album uses the concept of social media throughout the video. Although still featuring a number of very beautiful ladies, from the lyrics to the execution of the video itself, this is a true testament that hip hop in itself is not dead but is instead on the up and up.

2. Turn Me Up, Mussa Effect ft Calvin

Okay so if you believe in voodoo and maybe just maybe going a little crazy this song is for you. Turn Me Up as self-proclaimed the artist as something he worked on whilst trying to find his voice, shows you a simple glimpse into what it means to be Effected. This video featuring a number of artists from Buhle, Mik and many more shows what you can come up with when you let your mind wander and let your creativity be your guide. Mussa believes in letting music be your truth and this is one of those videos that leave you questioning just what exactly the truth is.

3. Beautiful Ndozvandiri – Tamy Feat. Takura & Dobba Don
If you’ve watched Black Panther, this song that seems to be taken right out of the movie’s script not only talks about embracing natural beauty which is message the world is fighting to spread but shows us an Africa that many of us have long since forgotten. Tamy who looks as ravishing as Danai Gurira in the super heroe movie in this video, shows us that Africa truly is beauty and music isn’t all about selling more drinks and firing up the party but also showing us an expression of beauty and creativity.

What are some of your favourite local videos that have been released in the past year?


Have you ever woken up to the light tapping of water against the porcelain sink and be sure you must be dreaming, for reality can never be that mink. Stood in a line for hours, for the right to hold what you’ve earned only to be told that’s not what we’ve learned. Have you ever felt, destitute, lost in a city full of millions? With the loud scream of a new born, loud horns blaring, but your heart lost in silence.

The therapist said whenever I got bad again then I should write how I feel. Though I don’t know how it helps when all I can think about is how perfect it would all feel to lie at the bottom of a ditch. How i dream of blood, my blood, my tainted mess no longer tempted to live no more. I am in a desert a spiritual desert, dying a thousand deaths with each single word I sprout.

She also said I should tell someone, ask for help but then how am I to ask when they call it ‘a mind fuck.’ Somehow convinced that this tangled mess inside of me only exists as a cry for attention. Somehow convinced that this tangled mess inside of me isn’t as real as my tear stained face as i type out this letter.
In all honesty I crave not the attention as much as I crave the promise of silence. The promise that this mess will one day seize to exist, that all that will remain is a disheveled body and no longer will i be forced to feel like a damaged outcast. Cast away my lack of ability to be normal.

They say I feel too much but they seem to ignore how badly i crave to silence these emotions. Show me the button and I will be the first to shut down all the piercing pain that cripples my ability to be. To be or not to be? I am but a tainted mess of my own making, a painful reminder that I will never live in perfect silence. That the love I so heavily crave may not exist as far as the cry for world peace may never be answered.
How great would that be? If our prayers were to be answered. If we weren’t surrounded this decaying waste of a body, chilled and lost within this decaying waste of a mind. In all honesty I may just be crazy, I may be surrounded nothingness and festering into an unexplainable half cast version of myself. In all honesty I can’t tell what thoughts are real and what are not, for all the voices in my head tread to fast and I cannot seem to keep up. All I can tell is that the pain I feel is as real as the unwanted air circling my body, keeping me alive to die another death within my long lost unwanted soul.

All I can tell is my wish remains the same, to one day feel the unconditional, irresistible, inhibited love of another. All I can tell is I neither wish nor want to fight the long battle of sinners and frogs in order to uncover a prince. All i can see is the blood, so will you please pass me the blade.


What does it mean to be black?
To be so overridden with hate of self?
The state, the pain, the lack of self.
Is it just another way to be enslaved?
See Africans we fake at pride
We laugh at slogans like black lives matter
Think we are so morally above the shame
Yet we chase the fame, that paved this game?
Our generation we are not the same.
Pure voices conquered the bleachers and the fakers
Singing black is beautiful
Then hunnie why do you indulge the paint?
See there is beauty in our flaws
The tainted messes, the hearts, the racists
The sadist, the teacher, all sun kissed creases
But there is no pride in our silence.
We are no heroes when we are afraid.
With bullet holes bought from social media
And social fame bought with our soul freedom.
Call it vanity, but we are a black out masterpiece
Me, my beauty is skin deep
But i am not more than my skin
I am my skin; i am the jewel of Africa
The symbol of pride, love, of freedom
The roar of Simba, modeled the heavens and I shine.
So why do the words on this paper, question the draft of my own sanity.
Why do we accept the version we’re sold with no thoughts and no clarity.
We ignore the gravity of this war
We ignore the gravity of our silence.
For with blood we fought for freedom
But with shame we’ve lost our mental right to be free.

True Love Waits

It’s been two days since the last time we talked, two days since i decided well, what the heck maybe it is time, time to for me to live my life again. And i know it’s a crazy notion to believe that this simple thing could be the hardest decision that I’ve had to make twice.

See the last time, i decided to live, life handed me you and now I’m ready to give back life to the world. From the very first day I met you, I didn’t want to be with you and I’m not being subtle or selling an understatement I genuinely never wanted to be with you because you were always aloof, standing outside the world looking in and judging and me I was always immersed in the world, I loved to love and see and feel and all that was never enough for me because I never knew love and I could never picture it.

You asked me often why I dated him and to be honest when he asked I figured why not. I had nothing at all to lose, and I didn’t, cause i could run away from home, risk not eating, steal, cheat, lie and never ever once care because I was always chasing that feeling that something was truly worth caring for.

And here is the irony in all this and why I’m starting to write this now because two days ago I was sitting on the cold porcelain in the bathroom playing a racing game to pass the time, praying and waiting to find out whether I was carrying your ba or not. And i looked at your contact and I wanted to type a thousand times, wanted to call, to hear your voice but the thing is I remembered you weren’t mine anymore and you hadn’t been for the longest time and that hurt but for some reason it also didn’t matter to me I’m that moment because in a few seconds I knew everything was going to change either we were going to have to grow up and become parents or I was about to grow up and become me.

The truth is, knowing that ba was yours brought me so much peace because if i was carrying someone’s ba and god the idea of being a mother scares me more than anything. I knew in my heart that I would always want it to be yours and later that day when your friend stood in front of me speaking, shattering my world into a thousand pieces, i lost my ability to breathe again.

Did you or didn’t you cheat?

I guess i will never honestly know because the reason i was asking wasn’t because i wanted to fight or because i wanted to blame you but because i wanted to understand. For that whole day I was lying in my bed calling your number over and over even though I knew I’d get the same result, I was forgiving you with every single second. Not because i hoped we could stay together, i can’t do it not right now, i honestly need some space and time to heal but because i remembered once when you told me “I know you say, you would forgive me when I cheat and I honestly don’t think you would.”

And i remembered holding your hand as I whispered, “honestly, I don’t know.”

And it was in that moment when I understood, when you answered the phone and you were angry. You expected me to shout, i could hear the way you were poised for a fight but i was tired, I had, had my world erupt in so many different ways for the past few months that i just couldn’t do it anymore i couldn’t fight and finally for the first time religion began to make sense to me.

See when he punched me, some people guys mostly told me to forgive him, said that people made mistakes and I knew my best friend had done that forgiven a guy who raised his hand to her face forgiven him as he knelt on the ground crying, begging for forgiveness and at the time i didn’t understand, why would you forgive someone like that, I’m a feminist and i could never have respected myself if i forgave him but honestly it wasn’t just that he hit me.

It’s that i didn’t love him, not in the real way, not even near, hell i was hungry for attention and he was a master at providing it, making you feel like he needed you, like he was giving up a lot to be with you, when in fact you’re the one who kept giving.
But see my friend she loved her boyfriend, sometimes even more than life itself and I always judged his wrongs more strongly than anyone else because i wanted the best for her, the perfect nonexistent guy but she was happy with his imperfections, she loved him in the bad and the good and even during the days that she lay there crying tears for him.

And that’s the pain I felt the past few months, knowing at some point I had to let go, that my love would never be enough to fill the hole in your heart where love for yourself was meant to be, because despite how hard the world was on you, you were hardest on yourself. And that’s why when you wanted a fighting match all I could say truly say was I forgave you because I did and its stupid and its crazy but in the past few days I’ve realized it wasn’t hard for me to choose to live anymore but it was hard for me to choose to live without you.

See the only way i know to explain this is through God. I’ve never been able to forgive everyone else completely because I never could love anyone else completely. Love the real them, so I was constantly chasing perfection in them, perfection that doesn’t exist but with you, i loved you even when i was mad or angry or sad or happy. And even now that’s the one thing i know that’s true so that night I wasn’t thinking he cheated, i mean i was but i was also thinking of how i didn’t want to hurt you and i didn’t want you to live with that guilt.

And that’s when this Jesus thing started to make sense to me, now don’t get me wrong this isn’t a preaching or some teaching I’m trying to get you to buy into because I’m far from ever calling myself Christian but he was the true example of love. This society we’ve forgotten what it looks like to love, one another so we look for perfect dates and romance or riches but Jesus see he died because God could forgive, forgive you a thousand times because you are human, and I’m human and that’s the only universal truth we’ve ever truly had.

We will never be perfect and love is all about imperfection. So the reason I started falling for you was because you were the only person who ever fought to have me call you my friend.
I was giving one my life is lonely rants and you literally looked me in the eyes and said, “I’ll be very offended if you don’t consider me a friend, especially when I consider you my best friend.”

And i laughed, i always laugh when I’m around you, see before that moment i didn’t think we were best friends but from that moment i held on to it and even now although i don’t think we are able going to talk for a while, you are my best friend and you are a part of me that I’m not trying to lose and this story begins were our ends because ‘everybody’s had this happen one time or another when you need someone to set your set heart free.’ And you set me free, and now I can find myself, I found who i was with you but we also got so mushed up in there, i think we were beginning to lose who were without each other and so here is my hope and prayer that when you’re done finding you and I’m done finding me then maybe we will be able to find each other again.

True love waits…