Personal Archives - Amanda Tayte-Tait

The Voices Behind Music Part 2

‘Sometimes pain renders you speechless’ (unknown)

Our birth right, our culture, has been stolen and molded our unrighteous need to fit in, to please, to conform. Our voices that once stood for truth, spoke of the struggle, the love and the hate now only speak of chains and bottles. Meaningless artifacts made up of broken homes and tarnished hearts. Mumble rap! Once were music was the heart, our pride, our joy and even our struggle, Now with every tune, new words, we’ve truly grown immune to the crippling damage our silence and more than that our pretense of normality has on a society that has brought death upon itself, since the beginning of time. Switch on the news and you see that the battle is ongoing, there’s no sign of peace, and there’s truly no sign of hope, With bullet holes bought from social media and social fame bought with soul freedom, we are young people fighting wars with our words born within the thin veiled need to follow trends and become the next great artist, made famous simply being alive, we’ve forgotten that music is our voice, our culture and if we do not speak to the next generation about the truth, the hard work required to stay alive then we are being silent killers of the culture that raised us.

Hip-Hop isn’t just music; it is also a spiritual movement of the blacks! You can’t just call Hip-Hop a trend! (Lauren Hill)

Hip-hop is the streets. Hip-hop is a couple of elements that it comes from back in the days… that feel of music with urgency that speaks to you. It speaks to your livelihood and it’s not compromised. It’s blunt. It’s raw, straight off the street – from the beat to the voice to the words. (Nas)

Hip-hop reflects the truth, and the problem is that hip-hop exposes a lot of the negative truth that society tries to conceal. It’s a platform where we could offer information, but it’s also an escape. (Busta Rhymes)

I don’t dislike rappers or hip-hop or people who like it. I went to the Def Jam tour in Manchester in the ’80s when rap was inspirational. Public Enemy were awesome. But it’s all about status and bling now, and it doesn’t say anything to me. (Noel Gallagher)

Music has always been an integral part of human culture and youth consume more music that any other modern age category. Thus music may be considered a primary cultural influence in the lives of youth. Hip Hop/Rap music is amongst the most popular genres of music consumed adolescents in Africa and throughout the world. So my challenge to you as an artist is this, what is your music teaching our future generations? What voice or spirit are you putting out into the world?

Mushando Kaotic ft Mussa Effect is a great example of a song that still speaks to our voice as people, as Zimbabwe and as a culture.

This is said in the intro of the song, ‘It’s something that is so close to my heart, seeing my people fly. So I feel like, if, I wanna see you fly, I gotta give you a reason to fly’

He goes on to talk about ‘Victory from oppression was always the pushing factor
When they push you to the limit don’t you let them push you further
They were sleeping on your intellectual ability to influence this mass meeting
Coz you never stopped believing in this generation
Black and proud I embrace it with greatness’

This is definitely one song I would recommend that you have a listen to at least once.

If you missed the voices behind music part 1 find it here

What are some of the other songs that you know that speak of this struggle?

And what’s your take on the new generation, struggling or lazy? And what do you think can be done to build our nation and make the dream a reality?

Send your music links via email if you believe that you have a unique voice that deserves to be heard and stand a chance to be featured: a.marufu52@gmail.com

My Top 3 Creative Picks

So if you’re like me you might be over all the hip-hop videos that only feature some house party, drinking and more often than not a couple of girls twerking. So here is my list of favorite videos from 2017 that not only disregarded the status quo but had some creativity thrown into the script.

1. Feel Right, Mik ft Yung Zee

As not only my favorite jam of 2017, being that one song you have to play more than once and a couple hundred times after that. Feel Right is that feel good, hip hop/ rnb song that might just have you calling your ex. The song off the A Book About Girls Mik Manjengwa album uses the concept of social media throughout the video. Although still featuring a number of very beautiful ladies, from the lyrics to the execution of the video itself, this is a true testament that hip hop in itself is not dead but is instead on the up and up.

2. Turn Me Up, Mussa Effect ft Calvin

Okay so if you believe in voodoo and maybe just maybe going a little crazy this song is for you. Turn Me Up as self-proclaimed the artist as something he worked on whilst trying to find his voice, shows you a simple glimpse into what it means to be Effected. This video featuring a number of artists from Buhle, Mik and many more shows what you can come up with when you let your mind wander and let your creativity be your guide. Mussa believes in letting music be your truth and this is one of those videos that leave you questioning just what exactly the truth is.

3. Beautiful Ndozvandiri – Tamy Feat. Takura & Dobba Don
If you’ve watched Black Panther, this song that seems to be taken right out of the movie’s script not only talks about embracing natural beauty which is message the world is fighting to spread but shows us an Africa that many of us have long since forgotten. Tamy who looks as ravishing as Danai Gurira in the super heroe movie in this video, shows us that Africa truly is beauty and music isn’t all about selling more drinks and firing up the party but also showing us an expression of beauty and creativity.

What are some of your favourite local videos that have been released in the past year?

The Voices Behind Music: Part 1

‘Alive in a generation that’s dying of thirst, surviving on medication and buying it first’ (Griffin)

We were raised the beat the melodious rhymes that just demanded to be heard. The sensuous vibes that continuously threaten to invade us. See music to our generation isn’t simply music; music is our lifeline, our voice. Music is what keeps us going because beyond the living battle of being alive in a generation doomed to live the existence of an economically unstable world, music is the dream we’ve been sold. We live in the generation doomed its own so-called freedom because see the truth is we are young people fighting wars with our souls, with degrees and so-called certifications but no jobs to chase the paper.

‘They have a house. They’ve sent him to a decent school; maybe he’s even matriculated. He has been given more potential, but he has not been given more opportunity. He has been given an awareness of the world that is out there, but he has not been given the means to reach it.

What happens to a lot of guys is they finish high school and they can’t afford university, and even little retail jobs can be hard to come when you’re from the hood and you look and talk a certain way. So, for many young men in South Africa’s townships, freedom looks like this: Every morning they wake up, maybe their parents go to work or maybe not. Then they go outside and chill on the corner the whole day, talking shit. They’re free, they’ve been taught how to fish, but no one will give them a fishing rod.’ (“The Cheese Boys.” Born a Crime Stories from a South African Childhood, Trevor Noah, W F Howes, 2017.)

So what do some of these musical voices have to say about this generational curse?

House Of Stone Mile, This short interlude off of his profoundly emotional and lyrical album; Trading Hours, talks about the hidden pain we feel as a nation and as a generation talking about the flag and our pride as a nation but also the reason behind making music,’Beat our chest like it’s drums here in the thick of the jungle, Pounding feet on the floor – they forced the fists of the humble The world’s confusing all the silence here with peace in the struggle.’ ‘In the streets, this pain we keep finally hits back And now spitting these verses is the only we way spit back’

Stay Winning Zimrich (Yung Zee and Ruddy) starts talking about the dream directly, ‘Success be the drug, that I’m into.’

This song uses a unique way to explain the dream we have all been raised to chase. Straying away from many of the cliché prose and new age rapper tendencies of telling us that they have already achieved this dream, but talking about the journey in a way that is both relatable and still entertaining.

Trapped King Avry ft Rae Lyric; at first glance it almost seems as if this is a love song but King Avry uses a truly lyrical and poetic metaphoric tone of describing the feeling of being quite literally trapped the industry, with statements like, ‘The pleasure that you give got me feeling important, guess I sold it all for a performance.’ And ‘you feed me fantasies, you are addictive, I cannot resist you the devil, I put it on that 9 to 5, pledged 25-life, feel immortalized till the day I die.’

This song held together the amazing poetry at the end Rae is a statement of its own of the struggles that we all face and the needs to not only speak from the heart but imagine a world where we can truly keep the dream alive.

What are some of the other songs that you know that speak of this struggle?

And what’s your take on the new generation, struggling or lazy? And what do you think can be done to build our nation and make the dream a reality?

Send your links via email to stand a chance to be featured: a.marufu52@gmail.com

Comment below to be a part of the conversation. Full lyrics for Miles house of stone can be found here: https://genius.com/Mile-house-of-stone-interlude-lyrics

The voices behind music part 2

Deserted

Have you ever woken up to the light tapping of water against the porcelain sink and be sure you must be dreaming, for reality can never be that mink. Stood in a line for hours, for the right to hold what you’ve earned only to be told that’s not what we’ve learned. Have you ever felt, destitute, lost in a city full of millions? With the loud scream of a new born, loud horns blaring, but your heart lost in silence.

The therapist said whenever I got bad again then I should write how I feel. Though I don’t know how it helps when all I can think about is how perfect it would all feel to lie at the bottom of a ditch. How i dream of blood, my blood, my tainted mess no longer tempted to live no more. I am in a desert a spiritual desert, dying a thousand deaths with each single word I sprout.

She also said I should tell someone, ask for help but then how am I to ask when they call it ‘a mind fuck.’ Somehow convinced that this tangled mess inside of me only exists as a cry for attention. Somehow convinced that this tangled mess inside of me isn’t as real as my tear stained face as i type out this letter.

In all honesty I crave not the attention as much as I crave the promise of silence. The promise that this mess will one day seize to exist, that all that will remain is a disheveled body and no longer will i be forced to feel like a damaged outcast. Cast away my lack of ability to be normal.

They say I feel too much but they seem to ignore how badly i crave to silence these emotions. Show me the button and I will be the first to shut down all the piercing pain that cripples my ability to be. To be or not to be? I am but a tainted mess of my own making, a painful reminder that I will never live in perfect silence. That the love I so heavily crave may not exist as far as the cry for world peace may never be answered.

How great would that be? If our prayers were to be answered. If we weren’t surrounded this decaying waste of a body, chilled and lost within this decaying waste of a mind. In all honesty I may just be crazy, I may be surrounded nothingness and festering into an unexplainable half cast version of myself. In all honesty I can’t tell what thoughts are real and what are not, for all the voices in my head tread to fast and I cannot seem to keep up. All I can tell is that the pain I feel is as real as the unwanted air circling my body, keeping me alive to die another death within my long lost unwanted soul.

All I can tell is my wish remains the same, to one day feel the unconditional, irresistible, inhibited love of another. All I can tell is I neither wish nor want to fight the long battle of sinners and frogs in order to uncover a prince. All i can see is the blood, so will you please pass me the blade.

Shame

What does it mean to be black?

To be so overridden with hate of self?

The state, the pain, the lack of self.

Is it just another way to be enslaved?

See Africans we fake at pride

We laugh at slogans like black lives matter

Think we are so morally above the shame

Yet we chase the fame, that paved this game?

Our generation we are not the same.

Pure voices conquered the bleachers and the fakers

Singing black is beautiful

Then hunnie why do you indulge the paint?

See there is beauty in our flaws

The tainted messes, the hearts, the racists

The sadist, the teacher, all sun kissed creases

But there is no pride in our silence.

We are no heroes when we are afraid.

With bullet holes bought from social media

And social fame bought with our soul freedom.

Call it vanity, but we are a black out masterpiece

Me, my beauty is skin deep

But i am not more than my skin

I am my skin; i am the jewel of Africa

The symbol of pride, love, of freedom

The roar of Simba, modeled the heavens and I shine.

So why do the words on this paper, question the draft of my own sanity.

Why do we accept the version we’re sold with no thoughts and no clarity.

We ignore the gravity of this war

We ignore the gravity of our silence.

For with blood we fought for freedom

But with shame we’ve lost our mental right to be free.

True Love Waits

It’s been two days since the last time we talked, two days since i decided well, what the heck maybe it is time, time to for me to live my life again. And i know it’s a crazy notion to believe that this simple thing could be the hardest decision that I’ve had to make twice.

See the last time, i decided to live, life handed me you and now I’m ready to give back life to the world. From the very first day I met you, I didn’t want to be with you and I’m not being subtle or selling an understatement I genuinely never wanted to be with you because you were always aloof, standing outside the world looking in and judging and me I was always immersed in the world, I loved to love and see and feel and all that was never enough for me because I never knew love and I could never picture it.

You asked me often why I dated him and to be honest when he asked I figured why not. I had nothing at all to lose, and I didn’t, cause i could run away from home, risk not eating, steal, cheat, lie and never ever once care because I was always chasing that feeling that something was truly worth caring for.

And here is the irony in all this and why I’m starting to write this now because two days ago I was sitting on the cold porcelain in the bathroom playing a racing game to pass the time, praying and waiting to find out whether I was carrying your ba or not. And i looked at your contact and I wanted to type a thousand times, wanted to call, to hear your voice but the thing is I remembered you weren’t mine anymore and you hadn’t been for the longest time and that hurt but for some reason it also didn’t matter to me I’m that moment because in a few seconds I knew everything was going to change either we were going to have to grow up and become parents or I was about to grow up and become me.

The truth is, knowing that ba was yours brought me so much peace because if i was carrying someone’s ba and god the idea of being a mother scares me more than anything. I knew in my heart that I would always want it to be yours and later that day when your friend stood in front of me speaking, shattering my world into a thousand pieces, i lost my ability to breathe again.

Did you or didn’t you cheat?

I guess i will never honestly know because the reason i was asking wasn’t because i wanted to fight or because i wanted to blame you but because i wanted to understand. For that whole day I was lying in my bed calling your number over and over even though I knew I’d get the same result, I was forgiving you with every single second. Not because i hoped we could stay together, i can’t do it not right now, i honestly need some space and time to heal but because i remembered once when you told me “I know you say, you would forgive me when I cheat and I honestly don’t think you would.”

And i remembered holding your hand as I whispered, “honestly, I don’t know.”

And it was in that moment when I understood, when you answered the phone and you were angry. You expected me to shout, i could hear the way you were poised for a fight but i was tired, I had, had my world erupt in so many different ways for the past few months that i just couldn’t do it anymore i couldn’t fight and finally for the first time religion began to make sense to me.

See when he punched me, some people guys mostly told me to forgive him, said that people made mistakes and I knew my best friend had done that forgiven a guy who raised his hand to her face forgiven him as he knelt on the ground crying, begging for forgiveness and at the time i didn’t understand, why would you forgive someone like that, I’m a feminist and i could never have respected myself if i forgave him but honestly it wasn’t just that he hit me.

It’s that i didn’t love him, not in the real way, not even near, hell i was hungry for attention and he was a master at providing it, making you feel like he needed you, like he was giving up a lot to be with you, when in fact you’re the one who kept giving.
But see my friend she loved her boyfriend, sometimes even more than life itself and I always judged his wrongs more strongly than anyone else because i wanted the best for her, the perfect nonexistent guy but she was happy with his imperfections, she loved him in the bad and the good and even during the days that she lay there crying tears for him.

And that’s the pain I felt the past few months, knowing at some point I had to let go, that my love would never be enough to fill the hole in your heart where love for yourself was meant to be, because despite how hard the world was on you, you were hardest on yourself. And that’s why when you wanted a fighting match all I could say truly say was I forgave you because I did and its stupid and its crazy but in the past few days I’ve realized it wasn’t hard for me to choose to live anymore but it was hard for me to choose to live without you.

See the only way i know to explain this is through God. I’ve never been able to forgive everyone else completely because I never could love anyone else completely. Love the real them, so I was constantly chasing perfection in them, perfection that doesn’t exist but with you, i loved you even when i was mad or angry or sad or happy. And even now that’s the one thing i know that’s true so that night I wasn’t thinking he cheated, i mean i was but i was also thinking of how i didn’t want to hurt you and i didn’t want you to live with that guilt.

And that’s when this Jesus thing started to make sense to me, now don’t get me wrong this isn’t a preaching or some teaching I’m trying to get you to buy into because I’m far from ever calling myself Christian but he was the true example of love. This society we’ve forgotten what it looks like to love, one another so we look for perfect dates and romance or riches but Jesus see he died because God could forgive, forgive you a thousand times because you are human, and I’m human and that’s the only universal truth we’ve ever truly had.

We will never be perfect and love is all about imperfection. So the reason I started falling for you was because you were the only person who ever fought to have me call you my friend.
I was giving one my life is lonely rants and you literally looked me in the eyes and said, “I’ll be very offended if you don’t consider me a friend, especially when I consider you my best friend.”

And i laughed, i always laugh when I’m around you, see before that moment i didn’t think we were best friends but from that moment i held on to it and even now although i don’t think we are able going to talk for a while, you are my best friend and you are a part of me that I’m not trying to lose and this story begins were our ends because ‘everybody’s had this happen one time or another when you need someone to set your set heart free.’ And you set me free, and now I can find myself, I found who i was with you but we also got so mushed up in there, i think we were beginning to lose who were without each other and so here is my hope and prayer that when you’re done finding you and I’m done finding me then maybe we will be able to find each other again.

True love waits…